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When Desire Becomes Obsession
When you’re dating in your 40s, one obstacle to deal with is children. Yours, his, or whether or not to have more can become quite an issue. And, if you’re dating in your 40s and happen to prefer dating younger men, the issue becomes even more complicated. Younger men may still want children and many of us in our 40s are long past that.
But can the desire to have a child become an obsession? When does it grow into something that overtakes the desire for love and a fabulous relationship? As you may have guessed, The Math Teacher has caused me to reflect on these questions. You may recall that he has taken to calling again lately and has wanted to go out and even to rekindle our ‘friendship.’
He has made it very clear that he still is interested in finding someone who wants to have children. We have discussed this at length and, as I told him, I completely understand the desire to have children. I would be nothing without mine. Yet, the more I reflect on our conversations, the more I wonder if he is focusing too much on the baby thing and not enough on the relationship thing.
First, there is that whole ‘there’s no guarantee’ thing. Just because a woman is younger and has a desire to have children, does not guarantee that babies will follow. Infertility and miscarriage are always possibilities.
Second, if the focus is on a baby rather than on building a loving, nurturing relationship, what happens post baby? Once the baby comes and the newness of being parents wears off, the relationship may falter. If this happens and one thing leads to another, then there is the distinct possibility that the whole thing will fall apart leaving the baby with two single parents.
Isn’t better then to put the focus on finding and building a relationship rather than to focus on finding a baby mama? Babies are, after all, meant to be born out of love. Thus, it seems to me, this is where the focus should be.
